Lifestyle,

Living a Double Life

At the beginning of this year, one of my close friends, Katherine Ormerod launched her new website Work Work Work; a place to interview and explore the lives of strong females in business, who have the chance to open up to Katherine, and to you, about something that they may ordinarily keep locked up for themselves. When Katherine asked to interview me about how I manage and balance two full time jobs, and what that means for me, my reply was “of course!! But surely it won’t be that interesting for people?” she told me to shut up.

That interview was where I realised just how much I put in, and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I felt proud of myself. Largely because Katherine drew out of me things I was afraid to talk about or discuss with others. Talking through those truths made it resonate with me in a way it hasn’t before.

So I’ll fill you in; I am a Physiotherapist in elderly care. I work in an NHS hospital, on a busy ward in an acute medical setting. My patients are medically unwell, some acutely unwell and some for end of life care, or palliative care. The patient group I work with make it really hard for me keep my emotions out of it. I treat my patients as if they were my own grandparents, and that’s amazing for me, but also tough. I work alone, which is added pressure, as I should have a team, but the NHS funding just isn’t there at my particular job.

Typically, I have 8-10 patients per day to see. Treatment ranges from a quick stair assessment to make sure they are safe before I discharge them, to a more intense 45 minute session with patients who need rehabilitation following all manner of illness.

I love my patients. I really do. On a good day, I’ll have seen some of the most inspiring people who have led incredible, full lives and want to get well just as much as you want them to, I’ll have had time to make them a cup of tea and take them for an extra walk around the ward, maybe grab them a paper, and they’ll ask about my life and give me advice on how to make a marriage work.

A bad day would mean a patient passing away on the ward, a patient becoming unwell or taking steps back in rehabilitation. Or not being able to see everyone I need to because we’re short staffed. That’s a really crap day.

I usually work 4 days per week in Physiotherapy, but recently I’ve given myself a much needed break and taken a couple of months off. This past week I have taken on a short-term contract at an NHS hospital for 6 weeks. For 2 reasons: the first is that running Ropes of Holland and being self employed does not make me feel financially secure, and the anxiety in me rises when I don’t see regular payments on the 30th of every month. The second reason is that I miss my patients, and as wonderful as looking after Ropes of Holland is, it doesn’t fulfill my need to give a little back. I love to help, in any capacity.

Now on to Ropes of Holland. I started this ‘thing’ without knowing what it was, what it would be and what it would bring me, nearly 5 years ago. I was studying on my Physiotherapy degree when I launched it, and it was just to satisfy a little creative yearning that I didn’t know I had. I basically just wanted breathing space away from muscle anatomy before I started to crawl the walls. I was based closer to Manchester back then, as I’m from Stockport in Cheshire, so very Northern indeed. Slowly but surely some Manchester based brands came across my little blog and started to send me the odd dress or top and invite me to events where there would be free cocktails and food and goody bags- and this was where it hit me; WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS LIFE? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I GET TO KEEP THIS STUFF?

I’m Lindsey Dawn Holland, born and raised in Stockport, granted I have 2 degrees, one in Dance and the other in Physio but still, I think really, I was pretty sheltered up until this realisation of people wanting to ply me with free things in order to use me as an influencer for their brand or whatever it was they were pushing. And this was just the beginning.

Ropes of Holland has grown, slowly, into something I am so very proud of. If I was to be completely honest with you; you get out what you put in in this job (and life) and I’m giving it everything. Being a Physiotherapist is much more stressful, exhausting and satisfying. Being a blogger is incredible, inspiring, creative and it can be stressful but that’s down to me and if I’ve taken on too much, (I say ‘yes’ a lot- but only to things I care about).

I want to tell you a few things about the person I was before I decided to give myself a flipping break:

I didn’t cope well with stress.

I was wildly anxious about a lot of things, mainly things that I couldn’t control.

I found it hard to find logic in problems.

I was a terrible sleeper.

I was always emotional.

I was clingy to those I love.

I would bury my head in the sand over any problem that came my way.

I would cancel plans with friends almost as soon as I was making them.

The decision I mentioned earlier about taking some time away from Physiotherapy taught me a few things. I needed to look after myself (as do you), I was running myself into the ground, beyond exhausted, letting people down because I was physically unable to keep plans in place, working every hour God sent because I was taking on too much, which meant I’d be up late and engaging my brain so I couldn’t switch off when it came to trying to fall asleep. The straw that broke the camel’s back was a 9 day long panic attack that just rolled and rolled and rolled and I couldn’t see the end.

I called in sick to work, and took myself to the doctors. Hearing the doctor tell me that I was underweight, had low blood pressure and was suffering this attack because of exhaustion absolutely kicked me into touch. From that day, and don’t get me wrong, it was not instant, I took every step possible to make my life more balanced, happier and calmer. I booked a dream holiday and quit my physio job with the intention that I would consider more physio work when I was ready. I was in a very lucky position because Ropes of Holland was keeping me financially stable at this time.

I’ve been back at my physio job for 2 weeks now, and for the first week, I cried every single day. I can no longer run 2 full time jobs, and that’s okay. It’s just so important that we take the time we need to enjoy our lives as much as we possibly can, and we’re the only people that can make that happen, ultimately. You have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. Someone said to me recently “you can’t pour from an empty glass” and that’s stuck with me like velcro!

I’ll apologise for the war and peace about my life, it’s just that, I’m aware my posts aren’t always consistent and you guys seem interested to know more about me so I thought I’d let it all out here for you.

I hope, if anything, you’ve taken away that it’s okay to work hard and strive for the things you want most in your life, but not at the expense of your overall happiness and health. Please do ask me anything you want regarding this piece, I would love to help in any way I can if you’re struggling.

 

xx

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15 Comments

isabellefclark@gmail.com'

Izzy

Really interesting to hear more about your non blogging life!

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Georgina.ahamed@gmail.com'

Georgina

Absolutely love this. So honest and sincere. I’ve also taken time out from the financial sector to start blogging and yes, it is a totally different world! Best of luck!!
Georgina
http://Www.georgieahamed.com

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rubyrobertsblog@gmail.com'

Ruby

Thanks for this x

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Fazelisally@gmail.com'

Sally

Oh Linds, you’re such a passionate soul and you also have such a caring nature about you, I understand where you’re coming from totally in this piece! It’s kind of how I’ve felt plus two kids on the go haha. You’re so right though, happiness is everything and you’ve got to find your happy! So proud of everything you’ve achieved, you’ve done amazing & to think this is only the start 😍 Xxxx

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linsel_hamilton@hotmail.com'

Linsey

Really great read Lindsey – I have also had a few rather stressful months at work culminating in some serioud panic attacks too. It’s nice to know this happens to a lot of people. Glad to hear you took control and are living a more balanced life now 🙂

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catesthill@gmail.com'

Cate

I totally admire you for juggling two jobs and then making the changes you needed for your health and life. I went through something very similar recently, I was juggling two jobs, one at a magazine and my blog, and I was working so many evenings and weekends, getting really stressed with the mounting work load, hardly seeing my boyfriend because I was away or working, now I’ve cut the day job down to two days and I can’t wait for the freedom and flexibility. It’s so important to look after yourself and be ok with the fact you can’t do everything because it’s not physically possible! Looking forward to reading your interview on workworkwork and love what you’re doing on Ropes of Holland xxx

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anywearandeverywear@gmail.com'

Lydia Smith

Really love this honest post, it’s so inspiring to read how you’ve grown Ropes and Holland all while maintaining another career, it is always nice to get an insight into influencers lives outside of their blog especially when it is one you can relate to. Wishing you all the luck for your work in physiotherapy and looking forward to reading more on here! XX

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wayofstylejournal@gmail.com'

Tatiana

First, let me say that I’m sorry if I’m duplicating my comment, something went wrong and it doesn’t look like it was posted. Secondly, You GO girl!!! Life has its ups and downs, and although at times we don’t see it, it has its ways of guiding us to our rightful/better place. I just found myself a bit in what you were describing here. I wouldn’t say burnout, but there was a time I felt almost what you described, and it’s a horrible feeling. And although cliché for some, I couldn’t agree more with what you said in terms of getting to a better place, you definitely need to be good to you first before being good for others. Hope everything goes well in this new physio phase!

xx
Tatiana

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Duncaninteriors@aol.com'

Penny Duncan

I admire respect and want to be you despite your ups and downs. You’re beautiful, inspirational, sincere, stylish and despite all you say and do you have a huge engaging smile.
I am years on from you but still learning. I work at Great Ormond st one day a week and the Little sisters of the Poor another day. Beginning and end of life care. It’s the bit in between we have to make the most of.
Any advice on exercises for chair bound 90+ pensioners would be so appreciated- we did a Mexican wave this week which made them and me smile.
Keep your big smile
Penny

Reply

Lindsey

Penny! Thank you so, so much for your kind words. You made me cry! In a good way. I am so glad that you’re doing something so rewarding too. It’s the best feeling. Ooooh in terms of chair based exercises, have a look online for some fun ideas via British Heart Foundation and other active charities xxx

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Amber-rosesmith@hotmail.co.uk'

Amber-Rose

Incredible post Lindsey, so honest and heartfelt. So proud of everything your achieving and being an absolute babe in the process!

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shoestringthreads@outlook.com'

Ellie

I adore your honesty and openness just as much as I enjoy your style and your writing. Having human, genuine, wonderful role models like you is so important to young (and older) women and I’m so glad I discovered your blog.

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jjenzeng@gmail.com'

jen

i love your blog, and have always admired that you were so involved in both jobs that you had! it is really inspiring to see as a young woman that you don’t have to choose between two drastically different careers that you love! it is so good that you are taking good care of yourself now, but i just want you to know how great of a role model you are to me and other women like me who love both science and art! i’m really excited for all your upcoming content (esp since my other favorite blogger shotfromthestreet will be in london!!) and hope that you will be able to find the perfect balance someday <3

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Jchbarrow@hotmail.co.uk'

JB

What an absolute champion. Genuine, humble and honest – you are a legend!

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biancatheresecox@gmail.com'

Bianca Cox

Loved reading this, so fascinating to hear how you’ve lived these two career paths simultaneously but my goodness, no wonder you needed to take a break! What a talented young woman you are, love reading your blog and following your fashion 🙂 xx

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